My Dearest

My dearest and only love,

       It is strange, is it not, that after being drugged, kidnapped, threatened with death, and stabbed in the side, little of those events or what they meant mattered to me? Still foggy from the drugs and with a sore pain in my side, I felt an overwhelming sense of comfort at seeing your face when I opened my eyes, and feeling your concern, your relief, and your love flow through me. It was an experience I expect to hold on to for as long as I live; the sound of your voice as you shouted my name and that split second where it was just you and I. Perhaps I should not take as much pleasure from your concern as I did, but it means a great deal to me, Astoreth.

I am unsure if you remember that night when you first kissed me. I came to you that evening ready to tear my hair out. Nothing was going right in my life. That has been a pattern since my birth, really. And I came to you. For in those past weeks, it had become apparent that you were someone I could confide in just as I was that person for you. I just spouted off at you in an uncharacteristic rant, feeling on the verge of insanity, and once those words had begun to tumble from my mouth there was no way I could stop them. I told you of how confused I felt around you, how different you were to me, how I could not read you, and of the security you somehow gave me.

You kissed me then. It gave me quite the shock, you know; such a passionate kiss after my psychotic rambling was not what I had expected. I had actually expected you to pat me on the head, assure me like so many others in the past that I am a good man, who will find someone worthy, and all will be well. Instead, you pressed your lips against mine in a kiss that ignited something within me. Something foreign, something wild and insane. When we parted that evening, those flames smoldered and I found myself wanting the heat of the fire again.

Things made their odd progression from there. Stolen kisses when no one was looking. Your tears soaking into my shirt as everything began to overwhelm you. Your hands holding mine as I sat in silence, never pressuring me to reveal more than I was comfortable with. Quiet evenings in the wilderness, doing nothing but holding hands and talking about the most mundane of matters. But they were never truly mundane, you see. For every word that left the others lips were precious jewels, something to hold onto for we never knew when the day would come when we would no longer hear one another speak mundane words again. Finally, when it seemed that day was going to come, we realized we loved one another.

A crazy thing, love. It has always made me act rather ridiculously. I suppose it was something I had always sought, even during the years I rejected all emotion. Emotion makes you weak, I used to repeat to myself. If I began to find myself getting attached to someone, I would promptly leave. That changed, as you know. I have told you the story of my growing into a man that can allow that weakness. Some may find that to be my greatest fault. But I know my capacity to love- you, my daughter, my tribe- is in fact my greatest strength. For it from you, and from them, that I draw my strength to fight and to persevere. For that, Astoreth, I thank you.

Those few weeks I went without you were agony. I do not think I ever really told you this. I would walk through Orgrimmar, my ancient mask of indifference in place, and would suddenly find myself not ten feet from you at that mailbox you spend half your life at. Before you could see me I’d flee, of course, like a cowardly dog with its tail between its legs.But of course I had caught sight of you. This woman I loved and longed for so desperately. I recall taking to roof tops, watching over you as you went about your day, just making sure you were safe; perhaps to see if you were happy with the choice you made.

Now you think me a man of fairy tales and romantic thoughts. But I have never been one to even consider that there are destinies and fates and the like. But I cannot imagine it to be a coincidence that you found me in Nagrand that evening. That through awkward words and stolen glances, somehow a love we thought was infinitely lost was suddenly rekindled.

I recall, at the moment, being able to call you my mate. I imagine that is not a term you are terribly familiar with, it certainly extends more towards those of a tribal or clan heritage. But there is a reason I am called ‘Wolfrunner’ and ‘Canine’. I love being able to call you my mate, though, Astoreth. For that is what you are, in every possible way but the physical (I may entertain the thought that as you read this we ARE mates in the physical sense). That is such a big deal to me, Astoreth. To have the connection that we do, something that we have with no one else. Yes, I share this mental link with Vivvienne, but I consider this link as something much like a muscle. When not put to use, it weakens and when not used at all, it is gone all together. But the one I have with you is so much more. I love you. I feel my love for you times two every time I meet your gaze. I will never need more from someone else, because of this connection we have. We have something beyond any normal lovers do, Astoreth. It is what really and truly ties us together.

Even as I write all this, things you possibly already know, I fear you may never read this letter. I am afraid that even if the ‘stars align themselves’, if you will, I will be too much of a coward to make this leap. In many ways, since I have known you, I have not been afraid to throw whatever I felt out there for you. I had little to lose, I would tell myself. But when I do finally give this to you, a large part of me hopes it will be at a time when I DO have much to lose.

I love you, Astoreth Duskflame. The dream I told you about was so much more than a dream. It is something that has been on my mind for a very long time. By the time you read this, it very well may be a fantasy I have entertained for years. I truly wish to stand in that tent in Hyjal, worrying over my hair and my clothes, and to stand with my brothers and before my tribe. I want to feel my heart leap into my throat as you walk towards me, smiling like it is the best day of your life. I want to hold your hands in mine, tell you how much I love you in front of everyone and put that ring on your finger.

I entertained the notion of marrying you a long while ago, even though the chances are so very slim. And I began to put aside a little gold each day until I could afford this ring. I knew the exact ring I wished to buy you. I had seen it when browsing one day and told myself that it would be on the finger of the woman who really and truly deserved to wear such a thing. The woman I would Actually spend the rest of my days with. I have enough money to buy it now, I discovered this morning. And so I bought it.

Last night, as you reassured me that you would never abandon me and that you were prepared to raze all of Northrend in search of me, I knew. I knew without a doubt that you are the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with, Astoreth. And so I write this letter to you, for fear that I may never find the courage to actually ask you. Read these next words with the knowledge that you hold my heart and my hopes in your hands.

Astoreth, will you marry me?